Here is the headline from a story in The Baltimore Sun on Sunday, December 16, 2012: “Baltimore buyback takes in 461 guns, gives ShopRite cards.”

 The story ran two days after the tragic, horrific events in Newtown, Conn. So the sub headline of the story should have been no surprise.

“School shooting motivated many to turn in their guns.”

 Nor should we be surprised at some of the quotes in the story, like this one from ShopRite vice president Howard Klein.

“It’s a poignant reminder of what can happen when you have guns in the home and what we don’t want to happen in our communities.”

Klein was talking about, and as it transpires oversimplifying— the events in Newtown. There the suspect, 20-year-old Adam Lanza, now deceased, apparently and allegedly engaged in the following scenario:

He fatally shot his mother, Nancy Lanza; he shot her IN THE FACE. Several times. Then he took two handguns and an AR-15 rifle— all weapons Nancy Lanza had legally purchased and owned— to the Sandy Hook Elementary School, where he shot his way into the place. Then he shot the principal, five other staff members and 20 children.

For people like Klein, Adam Lanza’s actions are “a reminder of what can happen when you have guns in the home.”

For people like me— and I’ll ‘fess up that I’m a Second Amendment, Robert Franklin Williams guy all the way, and that includes the right of Americans to own so-called “assault rifles”— it’s a reminder of what can happen when parents live in denial about a child’s creeping mental illness.

 I’ll be even more specific: it’s a reminder of what can happen when parents live in denial about a SON’s mental illness. I don’t think we’re talking daughters here.

Think back on all the recent mass shootings. Has a woman carried out even one of them?

Yes, mental illness strikes women. And yes, there are women that have killed more than one person at a time.

However, if you check, you will see it’s a mother who snapped and did in her own children. You almost NEVER see— if we have ever seen it at all— a woman take handguns or rifles and then methodically slaughter scores of people she doesn’t even know.

Nah, I think we’re talking a strictly guy thing here and I’ll be even more blunt: we’re talking a WHITE guy thing, usually a young white guy.

A couple of those shooters have been Asian Americans. And John Allen Muhammad and Lee Boyd Malvo certainly weren’t white. But when it comes to the mass slaughter of people with firearms here in America, the profile does seem to be young, white and male— and possibly mentally disturbed. Was Adam Lanza?

New reports now surface that Nancy Lanza thought her younger son was “spiraling out of control” and that she was “losing him.”

This should have been a signal to Nancy Lanza to get the guns far out of Adam Lanza’s reach. Unfortunately for her and now 27 others, that didn’t happen.

It’s time to remind America’s gun control advocates— oh heck, let’s just call them what they are: the repeal-the-Second-Amendment posse— that firearms are inanimate objects.

In the hands of reasonable people that know how and when to use them, firearms pose no threat to anyone, except criminals.

In the hands of the mentally ill, they pose a grave threat.

That’s why the gun “buyback” is a farce. (Why the term “buyback”? Did the Baltimore Police Department, which collected all the guns, SELL any of these firearms to anyone?) It’s a feel good measure, designed to make people believe they’re making themselves safer— and preventing future incidents like the one in Newtown— from happening.

However, you can rest assured that not one member of Baltimore’s criminal element who are responsible for most of the city’s violent street crime— showed up at the December 15  “buyback.”

 Only law-abiding citizens did. Does not having a gun in their homes now make them safer?

If home invaders break into one of those homes intending to commit murder and mayhem, can Baltimore police guarantee that officers will show up instantaneously and prevent that from happening?

Those that “sold back” their weapons might soon find they’ve made a bet with their derrieres that Baltimore cops can’t possibly cover.

Ah, teens! Quite the whippersnappers these days, aren’t they?

One such whippersnapper is Gabby Douglas, all of 16 years old and fresh off a gold-medal-winning gymnastics performance at the 2012 Olympic games.

Gabby has been on top of the world since then, and rightly so. Especially now that she’s “got that ‘herr’ did.”

Recently People magazine did a story on Gabby. Not a cover story, mind you. On the cover editors at People decided to put Brad Pitt.

Brad Pitt? BRAD PITT? Did BRAD PITT just win a gold medal at the Olympic games? I don’t think so. Get it together, People editors.

Anyway, back to Gabby: she was sailing along quite well in the story there, when she brought up the subject of how Kirk Douglas— apparently a Gabby fan big time— sent her a handwritten note.

Now most of you reading this column are probably old enough not to have to be reminded of who Kirk Douglas is, or of his place in the pantheon of American film stars.

But, as I said, Gabby is only 16. And what, on average, do 16-year-olds know?

Here’s how the People story read, which was in an interview question-and-answer format:

People: Oprah famously tweeted about you— but Kirk Douglas sent you a handwritten fan note! Did you know who he was?

Gabby: I knew Michael Douglas, but I was like “Kirk Douglas. Who’s that?” My mom (couldn’t believe it). So I was like, “Well, who’s One Direction?” And she was like, “I don’t know.” I said, “Exactly!”

And I’m like….APPALLED that Gabby thinks One Direction has had the impact on music that Kirk Douglas has had on film.

First things first: Gabby, you would do well to drop the annoying, idiotic saying “I was like” from your vocabulary.

Now, on to One Direction: Gabby, like your mom, I had no idea who they were. Probably unlike your mom, I didn’t care.

So I had to do a Google search to find out who they were. And guess what, Gabby? Now I care even less than I did before.

Here’s what I learned, Gabby-roo: One Direction is “an English-Irish boy band” (oh, can you hear me gagging already?) “consisting of members Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson.”

Their history, Gabby, dates ALL THE WAY BACK TO 2010!

WOW, Gabby! When I read that, I was like, IMPRESSED!

I’m sure you can detect the sound of sarcasm when you hear it, so I’ll stop. My point is this: you can’t compare your mom’s not knowing about a two-year-old boy band with your not knowing about an actor that’s considered an American film legend.

Look, Gabby, we’re talking about One Direction, not the Beatles or the Rolling Stones here. Those boy bands created music 50 years ago that’s still around today. We don’t know if One Direction will still be around 50 days from now, much less 50 years.

Douglas has appeared in films that are now considered classics. Those films are still around today and are still being shown, and scenes from some are even being copied.

Ever heard of Douglas’ film “Ace in the Hole”? The ending shot is considered such a tour de force that directors are copying it to this day.

Spike Lee used the shot in one of the scenes from his movie “Malcolm X.”

If you’ve seen the film “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” you’ll see the same shot in that flick.

Other Douglas films that you should know about— as a matter of being what’s called “culturally literate” —are “Paths of Glory” and “Spartacus.” The first is a quintessential anti-war film; the second is about the man that led a slave revolt against the Roman Empire.

Kirk Douglas isn’t just some actor your mom likes, Gabby; he’s an icon.

One Direction, on the other hand, is simply a boy band that you do happen to like. So far, as of December of 2012, that’s ALL they are. Only time will tell if that’s all they remain.

In the meantime, stop making those apples to hand grenades comparisons. And PLEASE do something about that “I was like” thing.

Dear Mayor Rawlings-Blake:

Or as I prefer to call you, Mayor VROOM! VROOM! Can I call ya that? Sure I can.

All us Balti-morons, by this point, know of your passion for car racing. (Hence the name Mayor VROOM! VROOM!) You brought the car race known as the Baltimore Grand Prix here in 2011. It was a colossal flop.

Undeterred, (not surprising, since your buddy Gov. Martin O’Malley ran for that office on a record of failure, and won) you surged ahead and brought a second Baltimore Grand Prix to the city this year.

That wasn’t much better. But you no doubt will drag the city through a third Baltimore Grand Prix in 2013. But can you get that VROOM! VROOM! sound out of your ears long enough give props to a team that plays a sport that, given your passion for zooming cars, appears to be not to your liking?

The first weekend in December the football team of Dunbar High School won its third consecutive state championship. According to the Baltimore Sun, devoid of copy editors but, I suppose, still a pretty reliable source, the title was the seventh for Dunbar since 2004 and the ninth in the school’s history.

ALL those championships have been won since 1993, when city public schools bolted from the established, venerated Maryland Scholastic Association and joined the Maryland Public Secondary Schools Athletic Association.

Ironically, Dunbar was the only city public school that voted to stay in the MSA. All the others were eager to join the MPSSAA. But it’s been Dunbar that’s hauled in the most MPSSAA championships for the city.

Way back in March, Mayor VROOM! VROOM!, when you still had visions of cars ripping and racing through downtown Baltimore, Dunbar won its 14th state championship in boys’ basketball.

That was the Class 1A title. Patterson High School, led by Aquil “Crimestopper” Carr, (basketball’s next big thing, according to ESPN, even though he stands only 5 feet, 7 inches tall) won the Class 3A championship.

Lake Clifton High School won the Class 2A title. Baltimore had no entry in the Class 4A championship game, but, with the dwindling population of Baltimore’s high schools, the city doesn’t have many, if any, 4A schools left.

So three of four state boys’ basketball championships went to city public schools in March. Add the championship that the Dunbar girls’ basketball team won in Class 1A and you have five of eight state basketball titles being won by city public schools.

Did this stellar record of athletic excellence get any props from the office of one Mayor Stephanie VROOM! VROOM! Rawlings-Blake? It did not.

Has Dunbar’s football team winning its third straight championship, its seventh in nine seasons and ninth overall captured the attention of anyone in the mayor’s office?

It has not. That boy’s basketball championship Dunbar won in March was its 14th, which ties a state record. (And again, I emphasize, that’s 14 championships in the 19-year span from 1993 to 2012.)

Between football and boys’ basketball, we’re talking 23 championships for one school since 1993. Add in the six championships the Dunbar girls’ basketball team has won and we’re talking 29 state titles in 19 years for one school.

That achievement warrants some kind of official recognition, Mayor VROOM! VROOM! No other city public school comes even close to matching Dunbar’s record of 29 state championships.

Yes, I know how, being a Baltimore Democrat, recognizing and rewarding excellence might be problematic for you. Excellence is simply not what Baltimore Democrats do. I understand that.

But try to tear yourself out of VROOM! VROOM! mode long enough to have some kind of ceremony for Dunbar’s athletes— past and present— at City Hall. And make it a bona fide celebration and reception, with vittles. I’m talking serious catering here, with filet mignon and au gratin potatoes and, of course, cake. DON’T leave out the cake!

Get somebody working on this, VROOM! VROOM! Show the youngsters of this city that their leaders and elders appreciate, recognize and reward their achievements.

You’ve got the rest of 2012 and most of 2013 to focus on the third (ho hum) Baltimore Grand Prix.

1. Congratulations to Baltimore City College’s football team for winning the City-Poly game the first Saturday in November.

The Black Knights beat the Engineers 20-14. (Yes, I know Poly’s official mascot is a parrot; City’s is the Black Knight. I call Poly’s athletic teams “the Engineers” because I want to spare them the embarrassment of calling them “the Parrots.” Look, I’m trying to give ‘em a break here.)

City’s victory ended a four-year Poly win streak in the series, the oldest high-school rivalry in the nation. The City-Poly football game is even older than some of the classic college tiffs: Army-Navy, Michigan-Ohio State, and Alabama-Auburn.

A plea to City football coach George Petrides and his future teams: please, allow no more Poly win streaks. They make me nervous, and take me back to the days when Poly won 17 straight City-Poly games.

That was from 1970 through 1986, when Tech’s teams were strong and City was on a downward spiral both athletically and academically. City ended this nightmare in 1987, winning 34-22 when quarterback Chris Smith and running back Paul Williams combined for the game-winning touchdown on what has been called The Play.

2. After the Baltimore Ravens Sunday, November 25, 2012, victory over the San Diego Chargers we now have The Play, Part II. The Play, Part I involved Smith taking the snap and handing the ball off to Williams, who started to run and then tossed the ball back in a lateral to Smith.

The quarterback took off toward the Poly end zone in a twisting, exciting run that ended with his crossing the goal line for a touchdown. However, The Play, Part I, doesn’t even come close to The Play, Part II.

Anyone who saw the game knows what happened. And, if you’re like me, you are still wondering HOW it happened— even over a week later.

The Ravens trailed 13-10 and faced a fourth and 29. The game should have been over.

  Then, Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco took the snap and passed the ball to running back Ray Rice, a measly ONE YARD beyond the line of scrimmage. Rice ran through the Chargers’ defense for 29 more yards and the first down.

“OK,” I said after Rice got the first down. “There’s something fundamentally wrong with what I just saw.” The Ravens tied the game and then won it 16-13 in overtime.

I’ve been watching National Football League games for nearly 50 years. I can’t remember any team converting on fourth down and 29. Might have happened, but I sure as heck don’t remember it.

Any defensive unit worthy of being called a defensive unit is supposed to stop a team facing a fourth down and 29 situation. But the Chargers’ defensive unit didn’t.

Here’s the kicker: earlier in the fourth quarter, the Chargers stopped the Ravens on a fourth down and INCHES play. What can you say about a team that can’t convert a fourth down and inches, and then converts a fourth down and 29 to tie the game and then eventually win it?

The Ravens are out to drive their fans bat guano crazy. Ditto for the Chargers, who as of the end of the game on Sunday, November 25 have lost seven of 11-games. Their fans have to be wondering how the Chargers won four games.

Colts fans saw their team go up 24-0 on the Denver Broncos, only to lose the game. Now the Chargers have once again snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. What’s the problem?

I’m blaming “Purple Drank.” Never heard of Purple Drank? I hadn’t either, until a few weeks ago.

Purple Drank is a concoction, of either Sprite or Seven-Up, codeine syrup and Jolly Ranchers candy. The dangerous combination is said to be popular among rappers. Lil’ Wayne’s name has been mentioned as one of those people who imbibe Purple Drank on a regular basis.

That might explain some of Lil’ Wayne’s more bizarre raps; it may or may not explain why he has the most annoying voice of any rapper that’s ever lived.

In addition to rappers, Purple Drank is said to be gaining in popularity among some NFL players. Former Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell was a number-one draft pick whose career went nowhere.

He was arrested in 2010 for possession of codeine syrup and then rumors started to fly that Russell was a Purple Drank connoisseur. Russell denied the allegation in a 2011 interview with Sports Illustrated.

Former Green Bay Packers player Johnny Jolly was found with codeine syrup and nailed with a six-year suspension for violating his probation.

Did one or more of the Chargers have too much Purple Drank the night before they faced the Ravens? They sure played like it.