Often the fulfillment we seek is within us, waiting to blossom. From the age of two, Dina Nayeri told stories, but dire circumstances squelched her self-exploration. Fleeing Iran with her family as a 10-year-old during the middle of the revolution profoundly shifted her sense of the world. “I arrived in Oklahoma with a sort of immigrant panic. It was a very scary time. I realized that you could lose everything, your entire identity, community,” she says. As a young woman, she embraced the practicality of security and achievement, learning degrees from Harvard and Princeton, eventually working in the worlds of business and high fashion.

Fulfillment, for years, remained elusive. While at Harvard Business School, she began considering who she wanted to become. “I started to realize that just because you are good at something, and it seems like a sensible choice, doesn’t mean you were born to do it.” Nayeri credits her twin loves of storytelling – a fixture within Iranian culture – and reading as the impetus for becoming a fiction writer. She aptly draws readers inside of a quaint rice-farming village in post-revolutionary Iran where we meet Saba Hafezi, a bright and sensitive girl, wrestling with the loss of her twin sister, Mahtab, and her mother. America, the land of wealth and fast food, music and freedom, Saba imagines, is where they will lead full lives. The voices of surrogate mothers parallel Saba’s words, whose youth Nayeri says needed to be balanced with the perspective of others. “I thought it was important to show everything that the community around her knows, so that we can not only feel for her,” Nayeri says, “but see the depths of this community, the extent to which they are involved in each other’s lives.”

Early on we hear Khanom Basir who pities Saba remark: “I cannot give my son [Reza] to a broken dreamer with scars in her heart. What a fate that would be!” It’s hard to believe A Teaspoon of Earth and Sea is Nayeri’s first novel as colorful phrases dance throughout this epic tale of grief and love, memory and myth. Inspired to write the book after a trip to Greece in 2007, Nayeri researched her native land for years. She calls it the “most delightful part” of the process. She talked with Iranian scholars, combed through literature, interviewed other Iranians and looked through their personal photo albums. Nayeri took another vital step. “I put the whole thing through a gauntlet of readers who were the exact age, in the exact region of Iran where Saba lived at the time.” During her final draft, she found the foremost scholar for that region of Iran living in France. He picked the book apart, looking for the smallest inaccuracies, such as what dishes her characters would eat, and insisted turmeric remain in all recipes. “He would say so in exclamation marks,” Nayeri laughs.

These steps were necessary to present an authentic and richly layered portrayal of a country seen either as radical Islamists, or status obsessed reality stars on Bravo’s “Shahs of Sunset.” After all, Nayeri candidly admits, she has not traveled to Iran in 20 years. Presenting her country with its complexity and beauty is immensely important. “What western audiences hear about Iran tends to be just about this horrible regime that is holding up our country, but there are thousands of years of beautiful history, literature and culture. My parents read so much literature. My father has memorized pages and pages, volumes of poetry. It’s a culture that’s very old and rich.” Art is powerful to Nayeri – particularly stories as they open us up to new ways of seeing the world. “You don’t win people over through arguments. When you bring a story, and present it as art, people open their hearts; you might have an opinion about something that can actually move someone and tilt [their perceptions] a little bit.”

The young girl we meet as the book opens, Saba, has much to teach us – especially about grief and myth. “You really can lift yourself out of grief,” Nayeri says. She sees parallels between her strength and Saba’s. “During some of my worst times, I have been very tempted to give in to despair. [Yet] ultimately that power and strength you feel by lifting yourself out of something through the power of your own mind is wonderful.” Storytelling also helps transform Saba’s grief. “It’s about remaking a world for herself that she wants, even if it only exists within her mind.” Readers, she hopes, leave with a range of messages from grasping their own power to viewing Iran in another light. “One thing I am most proud of is I have written a book about a woman who ultimately finds salvation within herself. She creates everything for herself that she wants. She doesn’t get it from a man, even though she is tempted to twice.” Nayeri understands the importance of creativity, and counts among her sources of inspiration travel, music, and cooking. 

During the last several years, she’s connected immensely to Iranian music. Right now works from the 1970s are enthralling, records produced before the revolution, a time ripe with the influence of other cultures. Nayeri enjoys the work of several other writers including Sadegh Hedayat, Junot Díaz, Charles Baxter. She especially enjoys authors who speak about the experience of being an outsider in various forms. Inspiration, for her, it appears is boundless. “Pretty much anything where you learn from the senses,” she says.Regretfully, as we come to the end of our chat on a chilly March day, I find myself inspired by this warm and prolific writer who cares deeply about humanity.

What a tremendous gift she offers us throughout the book, an opportunity to connect with the richness of Iran, while simultaneously enlarging our understanding of the human experience. Dina Nayeri appears at The International Women’s Literary Festival presented in partnership with the Antigua & Barbuda International Literary Festival. Media sponsor: The Baltimore Times Saturday, March 9, 1 p.m., Enoch Pratt Free Library (400 Cathedral Street) - Wheeler Auditorium (3rd Floor) Reception and book signing following on the 2nd Floor. Visit: www.dinanayeri.com and www.facebook.com/DinaNayeri

The itinerary has been printed and you have just a few days to prepare for your almost week-long girlfriend get-away to the Mexican Riviera.  Where do you begin? How do you pack with a purpose?  When preparing to pack your belongings, there are a few things to consider:

•   Type of trip: business, pleasure, family vacation
•   Destination
•   Expected weather
•   Length of stay

Enjoying time with the ladies equates to a wardrobe of maxi dresses, accessories, strappy sandals, and a few bathing suits with tunics.  To prevent packing your entire summer wardrobe, you choose a color theme of burnt orange and browns.  These colors complement your tanned skin and they are the basis of several of your summer pieces.  For a five day vacation, I would suggest packing 8-10 pair of matching undergarments and 3 sets of lounge wear.  The dresses and bathing suits are rolled into place inside of your suitcase to prevent wrinkling.

Toiletries consist of: fragrances, lotions and potions, personal hygiene items, and even more importantly hair care items. Hair is major even while on vacation. How can you look your best when your tresses are a mess? Most people can manage to pack all of  their trial size toiletries into two large plastic zip bags. There is no need to pack a blow dryer because hotels usually provide one in your suite. The essential hair care item that must be packed is the handy dandy flat iron.  You can throw your medications in a Ziploc bag and put it in your carry-on luggage so they will be easily accessible.

The majority of your time will be spent either on the beach or poolside so pack a book, a few magazines and some of your favorite snacks.

Even if you expect unlimited sunshine, be sure to bring a mini umbrella and a light jacket. The jacket might come in handy on a cold flight. It’s important to pack efficiently and bring everything you need but don’t forget to leave space for souvenirs.

Because you packed so well you have avoided baggage fees. One suitcase will be checked baggage and your other bag will be carried on the flight. Good job!

It's easy to be perfectly packed when you plan with a purpose.  Now unpacking when you return, well, that's another story.

Stephany DeBerry is an author, former flight attendant and the host of Take Off with Stephany, a weekly radio show debuting on Tuesday, Jan 29 at 4pm on WOLB 1010 AM. If you have any questions, comments or a subject matter that you would like to be addressed please contact Stephany via email:  This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Follow on Facebook: Take Off with Stephany and Twitter: @takeoffstephany

Critically acclaimed plant expert Rick Darke to talk about exotic plants at the Key School at Unity Gardens event

Critically acclaimed author Rick Darke will lecture about the importance of balancing native and exotic plants in the garden at the Key School in Annapolis on March 2, 2013.

Titled “Balancing Natives and Exotics in the Garden,” Darke’s presentation will take a common sense approach to choosing the best plants for a garden that is as eco-friendly as it is aesthetically appealing.

“The only sensible approach to me is instead of working from a purely ideological standpoint; let’s look at how these things function,” said Darke. “Let’s strike a balance in natives and exotics that gives us the most amount of productivity and fulfills the most amount of our design goals and our ecological goals with the least expenditure of resources.”

Though the use of exotic plants in gardens dates back centuries, science has recently linked the practice to a decline in animal diversity.

“Those plants have a lot of long evolved relationships with the animals from the same region and ecological science is increasingly saying that by using so many exotics, we have disrupted the connection between native plants and native animals,” said Darke.

That is not to say, however, that exotic plants should no longer be grown. According to Darke, exotics could play a major role in furthering the “green movement.”

“We’re in a time when everyone is talking about ‘nature,’ ‘green,’ ‘sustainable,’ ‘organic,’ these are all buzzwords, so that movement is gaining traction, so if we’re trying to do things that really are ‘green’ or ‘sustainable,’ I’m convinced, and much of the science is pointing this out and has been for a while, that it’s probably going to require a mix of native and exotic plants to fulfill those desired goals,” said Darke.

According to his website, Darke, who heads his own Pennsylvania-based consulting firm, blends art, ecology, and cultural geography to further the “design and stewardship of the livable landscape.”

Darke’s career has taken him to all four corners of the globe in order to study the world’s diverse ecologies.

“My role in plant exploration and introduction literally took me around the world, with trips to diverse places including Japan, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, and the Canary Islands,” said Darke. “The more I traveled, the more I realized I was most intrigued by how human culture shapes landscapes, and by the inherent stories that are evident to keen observers.”

Author and photographer of several books and essays, Darke’s work has also been featured in The New York Times and on National Public Radio.

Darke’s presentation is sponsored by Unity Gardens, a non-profit organization that supports the growth of Anne Arundel County communities through greening projects and environmental enhancement and education.

The presentation begins at 11:00 a.m. Registration and refreshments will be available an hour prior. Tickets cost $55 a piece and are available online at: www.unitygardens.org. 

The dark days of winter can have a destructive impact on a vehicle’s engine. Sub-zero temperatures, hard starts and improper fluid levels or usage can shorten the life of a vehicle by damaging its engine. Many vehicle owners may think their only option is to purchase a new vehicle when they experience severe engine trouble, but not to worry.  Rebuilding that engine can give your vehicle new life.

Engine rebuilding makes economic sense. For the cost of an average down payment on a new car or truck, a vehicle’s engine can be repowered with a remanufactured/rebuilt engine, gaining years of reliable service without monthly car payments and higher insurance rates.

With rebuilding, a vehicle’s engine or an identical one from another like-vehicle is completely disassembled, cleaned, machined and remanufactured/rebuilt. Unlike used or junkyard engines with an unknown performance and maintenance history, remanufactured/rebuilt engines are dependable, reliable and backed by excellent warranty programs.

To learn more about how installing a remanufactured/rebuilt engine can help you keep the car you love, visit the Engine Rebuilders Council at: www.enginerebuilder.org

Ken Carter

Chairman

Engine Rebuilders Council

Bethesda, MD

Fear, stubbornness, ignorance, procrastination, resignation— for singles or couples longing for love, these are among the deadly sins, according to relationship expert Ernest Quansah.

“These are the psychological traits which singles and many couples use as excuses,” says Quansah, author of Do’s and Don’ts of Relationships: Nine Steps to a Deeper, Richer Love Relationship, 2nd edition.

“I hear it all the time; singles or married couples say they’re not rich enough, or they need to lose weight, or they just don’t think they’ll find what they want. But I say nothing is perfect, and if you think that you’ll only be good enough when you’ve lost five pounds, or have a nice car or a bigger house, then you will never be ‘good enough.’”

After completing a survey at Relationship Advice for Success, Quansah found that all respondents reported that they still believe in lasting love and if there was a way to learn to find true love, they would try it. Singles are looking for relationship success as much as committed or married couples, he says.

While self-improvement is important, singles and couples should not use excuses to put off what could be a meaningful, lasting relationship says Quansah, who takes a holistic approach to relationships.

Just as people need a plan in order to give themselves a chance with other New Year’s resolutions, such as weight loss or a career move, so too is the case with finding permanent love. Quansah says singles and couples need to answer six questions while pursuing love and true happiness:

•What is my goal? For each question, jot down what you are really looking for. Are you looking for a lifelong partner, just a date on Valentine’s Day, or for your marriage to work? Many “serial daters” and “twice married men and women” claim they want the real thing; however, often their behavior indicates the opposite. Singles and couples must be honest with what is in their hearts, Quansah declares.

•What am I doing to achieve my goal? Striking a balance is important. Doing too much, like spending a lot of money on a new look or being too negative, can be relationship killers because they are not permanent solutions and this makes achieving your goal difficult. If you’re act like yourself, you’ll be more comfortable and self-confident— and those are attractive qualities! Remember who you are and what you love, but don’t be inflexible; love and relationship success are often about compromise. Taking note of what you have and haven’t done, and evaluating the effectiveness of those strategies, are the key to dating, relationship, and marriage success.

•What might prevent me from achieving my goal? Fault finding in potential love interest or in a marriage, for example, can hinder the flow of success. Another obstacle may be placing artificial contingencies on your love connection, like comparing yourself to others, or unintentionally putting too much strain on your marriage. An objective, calm, and rational approach can help you map a course for meeting the man or woman of your dreams and achieving love relationship success.

•What methods have not worked for me? Mistakes are to be expected— nobody’s perfect. But they should only be acceptable as long as you’ve learned something from them. Look back and do a review. If you have approached dating or relationship success in ways that keep failing, it is time to change!

•What methods have worked for me? Everybody has qualities that make them good at some things and not so great in other areas. Focus on your strengths; if you have used methods that brought you success in dating or in your marriage, you should use those methods because they will yield result. But do not be afraid to test the waters with new ideas.

•What will it feel like when I succeed? If you cannot envision the taste of success, you may be less motivated to go the extra mile for true love. Think about how nice it would feel to have meaningful companionship, bring someone home to meet the family, and maybe even start a family of your own.

Ernest Quansah is a love relationship success expert with more than a decade of experience. He is the president of Relationship Advice for Success, and founder of Online Dating, Relationship, and Marriage School (ODRMS).

How will your 2013 Valentine’s Day be remembered? Good, bad, or worse yet—  indifferent? 

Fear not— there is a way of attaining the best outcome this February 14, which is just around the corner.

Sadly, there are too many women— both single and attached— that feel especially lonely during this time of year. If you’re responsible for the romance in a woman’s life, you want to treat her right. Roses, a candle-lit dinner with atmospheric music and perhaps a post-dinner drive along Beach Avenue are sufficient details to cover the norm. These basics show your special lady that you are at least trying … But how does one go about WOWing her?

No matter what she might say, dressing down the holiday, like staying home and ordering your sweet heart’s favorite topping for takeout pizza, simply will not do.

While many men will not grasp the seemingly arbitrary importance of a typically frigid mid-February evening, the important thing to remember is you don’t have to. It’s not about you; it’s about her, and this is the only idea you need to keep in mind.

As a relationship expert and chef with two published books on relationships and one on recipes, I recommend creating a lasting memory with new and novel ideas. The brain’s feel-good “love” chemical— oxytocine— usually increases when women are presented with novel activities, beyond those established and preferred routines, according to recent studies.

Abandon old traditions and do something to sweep her off her feet with these five steps:

1. Before the big day, drive her wild with anticipation by telling her that you have the most amazing surprise for her. This promise will keep her guessing and make her think about your evening.

2. Know her favorite flowers. If you don’t, don’t panic. You can find out by making a comment, like “I’ve noticed plants blooming early this year …” and steer the conversation from there. In a beautiful vase, arrange an exotic bouquet and hide it somewhere in your home on the special day. She’ll like that you created the presentation.

3. Go to your local chocolate shop and select her favorite kinds of chocolate. Have it boxed and nicely wrapped to prevent her from knowing what it is when you present the chocolates to her.

4. Create a dish and name it after her. For example, if her name is Anne, you might call the dish “Tournedos Princess Anne.” This step is the most important. I can assure you that after having spent time in some top-notch restaurants, food that is named after a person is a special honor. We all know how women love it when their men do the cooking. What I do is cut and precook the vegetables, and I even make the sauce beforehand to make sure I get it as perfect as I can. Leave everything in the fridge. Then, on Valentine’s Day, I set the table before I start the cooking part. On both plates, place a fresh RED ROSE. The single rose is just part of making her think that that is all the flowers she will be getting (but we know differently). When she gets home, make sure to get her to promise you that she’ll stay out of the kitchen. Tell her not to spoil the surprise!

5. When everything is ready, plate the food, cover it and take it to the dining table, and then ask her to come and sit. Before you uncover the lid, have her close her eyes. Retrieve the hidden bouquet, place the flowers on the table, and ask her to open her eyes. Pay attention to how she responds. Tell her what you’ve named the dish.

But that’s not all— after the meal, take her by the hand, walk her to the living room and sit her down. Bring out the boxed chocolate, go on one knee and tell her, “This is for you,” or, “You make me feel whole,” or, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world and I love you.”

Overkill? – Not at all. Remember, you don’t have to know why this works, but only that it does work.

Ernest Quansah is a love relationship success expert with more than a decade of experience. He is the president of Relationship Advice for Success, and founder of Online Dating, Relationship and Marriage School (ODRMS). For more information, visit: www.relationshipadviceforsuccess.com. 

(BPT) - Winter means updating your outerwear to include mittens and a thermal jacket, but before you hit the road, have you also updated your winter driving skills? When temperatures drop, roads can become more dangerous, meaning you need to change how you drive.

Steve Magnante, SPEED collector car expert and "On-the-Block" reporter, offers some valuable tips for driving smart and staying safe on the unpredictable roads of winter:

1. Top rule of winter driving: slow down

Winter brings snow, ice and sleet, and these variables change how your vehicle grips and moves on the road. Staying alert and slowing down is the first step of safe winter driving, because you never know the exact road conditions or how your car might react to them.

"You're used to going 55 or 60 (mph) down a stretch of road and forget that on wet or snowy pavement the coefficient of friction, or the relationship between your tire and the road, is not the same. So, take 20 percent off your speed, of course until you know it's safe to drive faster," suggests Magnante.

2. Keep an eye out for the unknown

First, always be aware of other drivers on the road. "Even though you might be a great driver, sometimes there are people around you that didn't get the message," says Magnante. "Keep a nice distance between you, and the people around you, particularly if there are people in front of you because if you are following too close and they have to hit the brakes hard, you could be in trouble."

Second, watch for virtually invisible black ice, which appears as shiny, black or wet tar on the road, and can leave drivers with little-to-no traction when they hit it. "The best thing is for the driver to be proactive, slow down, keep an eye out for black ice and keep cars away from you, as best you can," Magnante says. "Don't let people push you into their accident."

3. Test your winter driving skills

Today's modern cars come with a plethora of safety features that protect passengers, particularly in tough winter environments, but that doesn't mean you won't have to adjust how you drive to stay safe. While specialized winter driving courses do exist, they may not be available in some areas. If you can't take a course, Magnante recommends finding an empty, open space (make sure it's legal), and seeing how your car behaves on winter driving surfaces.

"If you can drive around on snow in a way that you're going slowly, but you can cut the wheel hard, brake hard, you can learn some lessons about what it is to be driving on snow in a place where you can't hurt yourself or your car, like behind a Walmart parking lot," says Magnante.

 4. Navigate ice and snow with caution

If you live in an area that gets a lot of ice or pack snow and it's allowed, studded snow tires are a worthy investment. "They aren't something you are going to find on every street corner, but if you have a lot of ice where you live, think about getting them, and put them on all four tires," Magnante says.

If you only encounter ice periodically during winter, try to drive on the areas of roads that have been treated with sand and salt. If you do slide, he says, "steer into the skid. For example, if the tail of the car is coming out to the right, you want to turn to the right, rather than turn into the left, giving the rear more momentum to swing the car around and spin out."

5. Use your common sense and be prepared

When it comes to heading out on the road, trust your gut feeling and use your common sense. If the weather conditions are rough and your travels aren't absolutely necessary, stay home until things improve. If you do drive, pack some emergency supplies such as a blanket, boots, insulated mittens, a small shovel and always have your cell charged and ready. Consider storing an extra jug of windshield antifreeze in the trunk so if you run out, you can refill and keep your windows and vision clear.

Magnante adds, "You may want check your insurance policy and enhance it in areas, especially if your kids are driving the car."

 I have been thinking about New Year’s resolutions and how I almost never keep them. This year, I am going to try to make a difference in my neighborhood.

If you think that one person can’t bring about change or if you don’t see the connection between the first sentence and the second, then you will by the end of this story.

Perception versus reality explains a lot about my neighborhood, which is located in Edgewood, Harford County. Living in an area that is known for its crime, drugs and gangs can be a little intimidating to an outsider, but for all the bad “press” my neighborhood receives, it is really a family oriented area.

We know each other’s names and have watched the children grow into young adults. We chat over fences and our homes are well kept. We have two brand new schools, a beautiful library and a liberal sprinkling of churches. Even though there are small pockets of crime, I have felt safe and happy here for seven years.

There was another neighborhood many years ago that also had a perception problem. It had its share of trouble and crime, and most folks were in a low-income bracket, but again it had many wonderful people who lived there. The house where I grew up was just around the corner from it so I drove through the community almost daily.

In both spring and summer, there was a certain block that always brought a smile to my face because of the abundance of carefully tended flowers. It was the one thing that always brightened my day.

In front of a modest home, I would see a gentleman planting, mulching or pruning his gardens and those of his neighbors.

I stopped one day to tell him what joy his gardens brought to everyone who passed by. Ned, and his wife Hattie told me that whenever he had extra plants or cuttings he would give them to a neighbor to plant and he told them he would help care for them. Evidently, Ned not only had a green thumb but a good heart, and the flowers were now growing on most of his block.

Over the next two years, I would stop by to see Hattie and Ned and if I did not have time I would beep my horn and they would smile and wave back.

This gracious couple never asked for any thanks but I felt they were such good role models that more folks should know about them.

After getting permission from Ned and Hattie, I contacted a few people and the community gave them a lovely reception and Baltimore City gave them a certificate of appreciation. They were even interviewed on the local television station much to their delight.

After I moved away, I lost track of this wonderful couple but I have never forgotten how they made a difference in their community. Which brings me back to not making a New Year’s resolution but a commitment to try to change the perception about my neighborhood.

I am going to try to emulate the service that Ned and Hattie gave so freely of themselves.