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Ask Alma: Mom’s friend turned on me

Alma Gill | 7/27/2015, 10:30 a.m.
My husband was laid off after 16 years on the job. My salary alone wasn’t enough to keep up with ...
Advice columnist Alma Gill

— Dear Alma,

My husband was laid off after 16 years on the job. My salary alone wasn’t enough to keep up with the bills, so we decided moving in with my mom was the best thing. She has been having health problems anyway and is in need of care, so this works out for the all of us. My mom was in the hospital a few months back and was talking out of her mind. She told the doctors that I had been mistreating her, which wasn’t true.

During that time her best friend and neighbor visited regularly and knew everything that was going on. I’ve know this woman all of my life. While my mom was in the hospital this friend totally turned on me. I think she was even talking about me to the other neighbors. We had a big falling out about my mom’s care and what was really the truth. It was ugly! Anyway, I say all this to give you some background because she recently died and my mom wants me to cook and help her family out with her funeral. I’m thinking she must be crazy. Remember this woman has been awful to me, about all I can do is write a check. My friend told me about your column so I thought I’d ask your opinion?

T.B. in the Bahamas

Excuse me T.B., while I sip on my blueberry tea. I wanna make sure I’ve got a hold of all that’s happening in your house – oh wait it isn’t, it’s your mama’s home. Now that we’ve established authority, I can understand how difficult it is to find your adult-self and your husband, moving in with your mother. You and I both can agree and recognize, clearly it wasn’t ever a part of the game plan. But let’s not be ungrateful for this blessing, at least ya’ll have somewhere to go, so don’t get it twisted. While I can sympathize with your situation (sip, sip, aaahh) hold up, why are we talking about you and your immature issues when you’re mother just lost her dear friend? Since you asked, I gotta tell you ~ this shouldn’t be about you, it’s all about your mama! Yes, by all means you should help.

This woman and your mom have had a long, loving and valuable friendship over the years. I’m sure, similar to Lucy & Ethel, Florida & Willona, Maaary & Rose, you hear what I’m sayin? These women, although on television, lived as neighbors who took great care of each other. When you saw one, you saw the other. They knew each other’s business and everybody else’s business, too, for that matter, LOL. I too grew up with these friendships beautifully displayed in my old neighborhood. I watched grown women weathering the various storms of life, supporting each other through marriage and children, sometimes divorce, the loss of a child and even widowhood. Can’t you see, your mother is asking this of you because it’s just as if an aunt has died? It’s all the same to her – her best friend was just like family. She loved her and her love for her friend (your play aunt) outweighs anything you can argue, cuss or fuss about. So simmer down, reach for a cup of compassion, your mother is in a very fragile place, bless her heart.