Grief can shake a person to the core for a short while or a very long time. When a grieving person hears words such as “Why don’t you just snap out of it?” How is he or she left to feel after contending with a big change that appeared on life’s highway?
For these reasons, it is important to remember how to better support people who grieve, or even those of us who constantly remember traumatic experiences that cause grief to stick to our souls.
National Grief Awareness Day is observed annually on August 30. Sometimes, when loved ones work through a grief journey, people around them want to help but may be unsure how. Other times, an individual can grieve privately, hiding their deep sorrow, or he or she may show their feelings in front of others. However, deep sorrow is not limited by death being the cause of it.
“Grief is a response to loss, which can be caused by many things, such as the death of a loved one, losing a job, getting divorced or going through other major life changes,” the CDC reports.
Dr. JaQuinda Jackson, owner of Jackson Consultings LLC, earned her Master’s in Community Counseling and Doctorate in Counseling Psychology from Argosy University in Washington, D.C. She specializes in mental health and wellness, particularly focusing on trauma-focused care, social emotional programming, and group therapy.
Dr. Jackson explained that grief can also manifest when something comes to an end, such as a school year, marriage, or friendship.
A big misconception of grief is that it will not impact you if you see it come.
“For example, if you had a terminally ill loved one who passed away, because they were terminally ill you aren’t impacted by grief. Regardless of seeing it coming or not, grief is still grief,” Dr. Jackson stated.
Three practical things a grieving person can do is to honor their feelings, understand the grief cycle, and identify ways to honor the loss of a loved one.
Grief does not have an age limit, according to Dr. Jackson. Younger children may need what is going on to be explained to them. Once they are made aware of the grief, children will feel their emotions, which also might come with questions.
Additionally, healing from grief does not have a time limit.
“I tell my clients that with grief you are learning how to live differently, so give yourself grace. The key is to keep living and not to stagnate,” Dr. Jackson noted.
She added, “Grief doesn’t look the same in everyone and we should respect how people grieve.”
Grief becomes unhealthy when individuals become isolated or they engage in risky coping behaviors such as drugs, sex, or alcohol. Seeking professional help can clarify events that may cause triggers, but it should not lead to re-traumatization, according to Dr. Jackson.
Pay attention to signs that you or an individual may need to seek professional help because they are grieving.
“Someone may need professional help if they feel “stuck,” experience mood swings, and/or experience ruminating thoughts or nightmares surrounding the loss. If you are contemplating going to seek professional help, go!” Dr Jackson added.
Simply understand that grief is a process, so some days will be good while others may not. Showing sensitivity to a grieving person can be helpful to him or her. What is said or done can impact them positively.
“Two things that I would recommend saying to someone who is grieving other than acknowledging the loss, let them know you are here for them and offer to do a kind act like cook, watch children, or do work around the house.”
“Grief groceries” have gained in popularity. During a difficult time such as a death of a close person in someone’s life, friends and family may consider buying basic ingredients to make simple meals, then dropping them off, or paying for an Instacart order, to help someone going through a tough time.
“Grief can be heavy, and we can sympathize with someone while also taking something off their plate. If you are unable to commit to doing a kind act, don’t offer, you don’t want someone who is grieving to be let down by not being able to follow through on a commitment,” Dr. Jackson explained.
She also stated that it is very insensitive to say to someone in the moment that “it will be okay” and/or try to rationalize why the loss occurred.
Dr. Jackson added, “You should just be there to hold space and be a listening ear.”
Visit www.jacksonconsultingsllc.com to learn more about Dr. Jackson.
